This post is for those like me. Those having a challenging time through conception or pregnancy.
This is not a rant on how difficult it is. This is a suggestion on how to make the journey bearable, even pleasant.
The Conception Frustration
We try and we try. We visit the doctor any number of times, we follow advice, we discipline ourselves, we read everything there is about fertility and ovulation cycle, we spend all our savings on pills and treatments. After many months the eager expectation is replaced by a dread, fear, sometimes just fatigue. We almost want to give up. Only we can’t.
The Pregnancy Distress
At last, it has happened! A tiny speck of ourselves is forming inside us! In a matter of months we can see a new version of ourselves. And then, there is a fright of probable miscarriage due to any number of reasons. Medication, scans, bedrest…. The euphoria is ripped apart by disbelief, despair, guilt and inexorable fear.
Healing Through Acceptance
In both cases, the underlying cause for mental distress is the same. Fear of unknown, unmet expectations. This is probably true for many situations in life. However, when it comes to a baby, the scale of emotional upheaval is unparalleled. It pierces through every aspect of life, body, mind, heart and soul. How to heal them all?
- Step 1 – Acknowledge
- Acknowledge the pain and lose the facade of fake positivity. Understand and label what you truly feel – frustration, guilt, fear, jealousy.
- Step 2 – Seek help
- Take physical help from anyone who can or offers. Rest precedes clarity of thought.
- Seek people who have overcome similar situations. Open your heart and allow the balm of understanding to ease your pain. Know that you are not alone.
- Step 3 – Take Control
- Make a schedule and stick to it as much as possible. Routine gives a notion of stability, builds discipline, allows confidence to take root.
- Follow medications and other recommendations thoroughly. Do not leave room for guilt.
- Step 4 – Give up control
- Our body is unique. We can’t will it to behave any different. Accept that you don’t have control over outcomes but only on the effort.
- With acceptance, lose the guilt. Take one day at a time. Follow the routine, make your best efforts and leave the rest.
- Step 4 – Be present
- Negative emotions feed themselves in an unbreakable cycle. Break the loop by catching yourself thinking about the future or any negative thought.
- Initially, you might catch after a long time. Mind has it’s way of drifting past our attention. With practice though, you will learn to catch a negative thought shortly after it appears.
- Immediately remind yourself that you have been doing your best and have accepted your limitations. That will break the loop.
- Step 5 – Surrender and Accept
- This point is the hardest… whatever the outcome, accept it fully. Know that there is nothing more you could have done. You can only try…
- If a believer, surrender yourself to the will of God. Find your strength in faith.
I sincerely hope these 5 points help you through challenging times. Let me know.