This post is controversial. Also necessary. For the hope is to kick start a discussion, bust myths and most importantly, help moms.
What are Positive Affirmations? They are usually one line sentences meant to uplift and effect positive changes in life over time with constant repetition. Idea is you become what you think you are. So think positive, keep thinking positive and that change will happen. An analogy is a muscle getting stronger as you keep exercising it. Practice begets the desired change.
Examples of positive affirmations for mothers.
Makes sense right? Yes it does. Only there is one catch. Let me take an example. “I am calm and peaceful under pressure.”
You wake up in the morning, tell this to yourself. Great! Then the kids resist everything and there are chores piling up and an upcoming dinner with friends. Then the kids fight. You are unable to stay calm. Your anger flares. The kids have been disciplined but are sad. How would you feel?
Sad, guilty… you lose a wee bit of confidence. The next day when you tell yourself the affirmation, it feels like a big sham, like you are failing yourself. Your confidence reduces more. And the cycle continues.
What’s happening here?
Positive affirmations work miracles when you have a good self esteem to begin with. The affirmations loop back into your subconscious and effect the change. Their power is incredible.
However, if you start with low self esteem, they actually form a negative feedback loop. The more you fail, the more you are unable to forgive yourself . The affirmations backfire. A case in point is this study.
So what is the way out? I suggest an alternative.
Start with Acceptance affirmations. Positive is a word that demands judgement. It is supposed to be happy, good, indicate progress. Do away with that word. Start with non-judgmental words and affirmations only.
Examples of this are “this too shall pass, today is just one day, I will forgive myself for the mistakes today and learn from them”.
Once you start accepting and forgiving yourself, think about what you want to achieve? Which affirmation really matters to you? Set that as a goal and work towards it. How? Check my other post on ways to achieve your goals.
Once you achieve it, repeat the affirmations to kick start the reinforcement. Then move to the next affirmation.
As I said, many may not agree with this viewpoint. Do you agree or differ? Let’s talk about that!