“I hate you!”. A statement no parent wants to hear. A statement every parent is forced to hear.
It is meant to hurt, to accuse, to shift blame and to shame. When children accuse us, we naturally get hurt, feel misunderstood.
However, is it any different from how we treat our children? We accuse them of having failed our expectations time and again. “Why are you hitting your sister? Don’t you know better?”. “How can you forget? I would have told you at least a 1000 times”.
Do children misbehave on purpose? If we don’t hurt our children on purpose, it is fair to assume they wouldn’t either. Then why the conflict?
Children communicate their frustration, fear, hope, despair through their behavior as they aren’t skilled in using words yet. They may hit a sibling because of jealousy or possessiveness. They may forget because they are scared of the outcome and that fear overwhelms them. They may utter hurtful words because they feel insecure.
If we can set aside ‘what‘ was actually said or done and focus on the ‘why‘, I believe we can understand their viewpoint.
With this new understanding, we can only empathize with our children, for we would have felt the same in that situation. Saying as much is sufficient in assuaging their feelings, to comfort them and for them to know you understand without judgement.
How loved and secure our children would feel if this were to happen? Why not try? Let us begin by losing our ego.
Acceptance Parenting 