Babies reject moms sometimes. Shocking but true.
Moms may cook, clean, bathe, feed, change the baby. They may be spending maximum time with the baby. However, baby may be still want to be with dad or grandma. They may cry when parted or cry to be with them.
Why do babies do this?
Maybe he associates fun with dad. Maybe grandma is gentler in handling him. Maybe grandad picks him up whenever asked. Who can really understand babies?
But one thing is certain. It hurts. A lot.
It almost feels like a betrayal. Moms spend all time with babies only to be rejected. The feeling of somehow having failed or inadequate slowly creeps in and begins to take hold. Somedays it gets unbearable and a breakdown is the only release.
It doesn’t have to be that way though. Here are the steps to cope with rejection.
- You are adequate
- Do your best everyday. When feeling of failure strikes, remind yourself that you did the best you could that day. If the baby is well fed, healthy and happy, you are doing a good job. Period.
- Repeat the Mantra “I have been chosen to be the mom for the baby. I am the best for him”.
- Find humor
- When baby cries for someone else, try to smile and see the baby for the baby he is. We don’t say acting like a baby for nothing!
- Accept and stay in the moment.
- Remind yourself the preference is just for that moment. It is most likely a phase that will pass.
- Empathize
- Tune into when and why he cries for the other person. Is there a pattern? Does dad always pick him up, a better mimic? Is grandma’s touch soothing?
- Stay true to yourself
- Do not copy what the other person does. If lacking, you should certainly improve yourself, like being more gentle. But always be true to yourself. Don’t try to change your style just for the baby. It’s a lesson the baby will learn soon enough.
- Practice unconditional love.
- This is the essence of parenting. Your hurt is a manifestation of your expectation that baby should be most attached to you. Perhaps because you are the primary caregiver. However, love and respect can never be demanded from a child. Your role is only to love and respect irrespective of its reciprocation. Parent the baby because you enjoy it, to savor every moment of joy from observing a small human grow, to love an innocence like no other. Not because it’s your duty, not because of your need to be loved.
- Love yourself
- Unconditional love demands that you learn to love yourself, free yourself from dependency. Sing, dance, paint, write. Do whatever gives you pleasure, lets you stay in the moment, allows your emotions to melt. Be a child and let it all out.
- Talk to people who love you – friends, parents. Know that you are lovable and genuinely loved.
- Remember. The best gift you can give your child is a happy parent.
Have you had to contend with rejection? How did you cope? Let’s talk about that!
Acceptance Parenting 
The first and only time I experienced this was with my fourth child, who is autistic. She was attached to me as a baby but as a toddler, we lost her for quite a while. It was extremely hard. She finally showed that the bond was back somewhere around two and a half. I was SO glad when she “came back.” ❤
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Truly trying times. How did you cope? What’d you tell yourself?
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I guess I coped with it by working really hard to bring her back. It was devastating to see her so disconnected from us. I told myself I would never give up. I researched therapy options and finally found something called Floortime therapy which I learned and put into practice. When it helped her to began noticing me, it felt so unbelievable! And I also did speech therapy with her after a lot of research, too, and that helped her on her way to talking and communicating (which has changed EVERYTHING).
Now, we have minutes and hours that she seems to go away, back into her mind, but then she emerges again and spends time with us. Welcoming her back never gets old!!
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Wow! That’s a lot of effort that takes tremendous focus and energy.
Thank you for sharing. I continue to admire you Valerie!
I sincerely hope your comment helps someone out there. It’s an important lesson. Thanks again.
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As an autistic adult, let me tell you, communication is everything!!! It’s what we struggle with most which is precisely why it is so important. A lot of meltdowns are triggered from lack of communication or a misunderstanding, which can be very overwhelming when we already struggle to connect. I hope you and your little ones are doing well!
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