5 steps to effectively Communicate with a difficult partner or husband

Do you feel your partner does not understand your struggles as a mother, does not contribute as much as you need or want, does not provide emotional support? Read on to see how this can be addressed.

How to communicate when the husband or partner is distant
Communicating with a distant husband

Life is brand new for you as a mother. So it is for your partner too. Though he may have witnessed your struggles during labor and while caring for an infant, he may not understand your struggles. Or he may understand and choose to ignore as the demands of these changes could be too overwhelming.

Anger, despair and feeling unloved is natural. You may even question your choice of partner.

5 step communication

  • Step 1 : Venting
    • In your mind, talk to your partner about everything bothering you, of the help you are entitled to but denied, of your feelings of being unloved and thereby disrespected, your frustration at the aloofness, about your misgivings about the choice of partner, fear of the future, impact on the child. Everything. Let this conversation run for hours if needed. Write it if it helps you.
    • With this exercise you know what you feel.
  • Step 2 : Timing
    • Do not talk just after waking. No one wants to hear a rant first thing in the morning.
    • Do not talk just before bed. The tiredness might induce regrettable words. It would be hard to sleep without a resolution. However, a night’s sleep loss is better than making a bad situation worse.
    • Talk when the child is asleep or out safely monitored.
    • Ensure you have had food. It would be good if your partner has eaten too.
  • Step 3: Deep breaths
    • Whatever calms you, do that. Walking, music, exercise, anything. You need to prioritize this. It is for only one day.
    • Take calming breaths before you enter the room.
  • Step 4 : Communicate without provocating
    • Talk calmly, factually without attributing fault. Finding fault will put your partner on the defensive and he will either shut down or justify. No use in that.
    • State how you feel and what you need. Not what you think he is not doing. Instead of saying “you don’t help me with chores” say “I feel overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I need help”. Instead of “you don’t love me anymore”, say “I feel unloved and that makes me immensely sad. I need the reassurance of loving words or gestures”.
    • Let him know how this affects the child. “I get hardly any rest. That makes me irritable and I am afraid I will show it on the baby.”
  • Step 5 – State options
    • Suggest options for the future while taking his obligations into consideration. “Would it be possible for you to take care of laundary on Wednesday and Friday because I know you have meetings on the rest of the days.” “It will help me defuse if I could catch up with my friends once a month. What time might work for you?”
    • Negotiate till you can find a middle ground.
Continue reading “5 steps to effectively Communicate with a difficult partner or husband”

Parenting – Parents and Grandparents

How does parenting style vary between parents and grandparents? Does it matter? I believe it does. Here’s why.

Parents

Approach parenting cautiously. They carefully consider the impact of their actions on their children. They research endlessly about anything from food to parenting style. With so much on their mind, parent’s style of care is exacting though filled with the joy of seeing their child grow.

Grandparents

Are self confident, having brought up children themselves. They rely more on their experience and reject what the books or internet might say. They are worry free and relish every moment spent with the kids. For them, parenting is a big joyful experience tinged with responsibility.

See the difference?

Can we parents, act more like grandparents?

Continue reading “Parenting – Parents and Grandparents”

Call for your Pregnancy, Childbirth, Miscarriage experiences

Have you had complications in pregnancy, a difficult delivery or miscarriage?

Then this call is you. For you to share your experience of the adversities and your coping methods.

I hope that by featuring your story, many like you would be inspired to tide over their own challenges.

Please contact me if interested and let’s talk about that

Name change!

Gratitude. That’s what I feel seeing the response to my blog. There have been heartwarming comments and sincere appreciation for my posts. Thank you all!

Through this blog my goal is to simplify parenting and empower myself and others like me with parenting wisdom. I say wisdom and not knowledge. Knowledge is out there in innumerable parenting pages. What I share here is from my own experiences. I am not a medical practitioner or a life coach. I am rather a life student having learnt a lot of lessons through adversity.

So I decided to promote myself from Trainee Mom to MotherWise.

Also as I wrote, there was one word that kept appearing in all posts – Acceptance. The name of the blog just followed from there.

I have also decided to change the title of “Mothering Mantra” to “Parenting Mantra”. I realized raising children is not the responsibility to mothers alone. This is a highly stereotypical view demeaning both mothers and fathers.

I will continue to discuss issues about pregnancy, breastfeeding, newborn care along with Acceptance Parenting.

How do you like this change? Let’s talk about that!

My child, his (her) needs

The child knows better

We are the parents. We are the grown ups. We are wise. But we are ignorant.

A child’s needs, desires are constantly evolving. A favorite toy today can be forgotten tomorrow. Undoubtedly, we know our children best. But they know themselves better.

Children should to be respected. They need to feel respected.

Always assume you don’t know. They will communicate to the best of their ability. Listen. Observe. Every moment. Accept. Respond.

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