Despite tackling onerous responsibilities of childcare, work, chores, many moms constantly doubt themselves. “Am I good enough? Am I doing enough?”
The answer to these questions is a resounding yes!
However, while we acknowledge and validate what a mother feels now, we also need to help her become what she aspires to be. Help her erase doubts and become a confident parent.
So the question to mothers is “What do you want to change? What do you want to be? What is the goal?”
The goals could be varied. “I want to be more calm around my children, I want to model the human I want my children to become, I want to be more responsive”…. anything at all.
Achieving these goals requires change and action which in turn fosters confidence, reduces doubts, begets peace in the knowledge that you is trying – constantly.
Here I suggest a 7 point action plan for moms to achieve their personal goals.
- Take stock of the present
- What is your current situation in relation to your goal? How do you spend time, how to you interact with your children, how is your physical and mental health?
- Be honest to yourself. There is no place for shame or guilt. You are doing your best for now.
- Set small, realistic, bound and trackable goals
- Accept that no one is a perfect mom. However you are a one of a kind mom. Only you know your children best, their needs against yours.
- Set a small and achievable goal with a feasible timeline. Else you set yourself up for failure before you start.
- Example of a bad goal: “I will be mindful of how I respond and interact with my child.”
- Why? Can we be mindful only with our children? Being mindful is a process that changes how we respond to everything.
- Can we rephrase the original goal then? “I will practice mindfulness starting tomorrow, everyday, conciously for at least 5 minutes.” This goal is bounded in time and action, is achievable and trackable.
- Celebrate achievements
- Could you achieve the goal of 5 minutes a day for 1 week? Celebrate with a bar of chocolate. Could you achieve it for a month? Order in!
- The achievement needs to be acknowledged and celebrated. It provides the motivation to keep going.
- Revise your goals step by step till you achieve the bigger goal
- Once you accomplish the 5 minutes goal, revise it. Extend the 5 minutes out to 20 minutes.
- Install kindle on your phone and download a relevant book. Read a book or a blog even if you can spare 10 minutes. You’ll be surprised how 10 minutes, multiple times a day adds up.
- Expect disruptions
- Being a mother means handling unpredictability every day, it means a break is hard to come by, it means priorities change by the minute. So don’t beat yourself up for a missed goal.
- Try again tomorrow. And the next. One day at a time.
- Be consistent
- Yes disruptions happen. But not every single day. If you give a break to your goal for more than a few days, chances are you’ll never return to it.
- Set a timeout, like 5 days, and return to work on the goal no.matter.what. On that day alone. Just to remain consistent and to avoid breaking the rhythm.
- No comparison
- This is very important. Never compare yourself to other moms out there. No one has your life. No one has your challenges.
- Your goals and your progress are yours alone.
Does this help you? What would you would do differently? Let’s talk about that!